I haven’t made a post here in a while. Just a few days after my birthday I managed to get a sore throat. The following morning it had turned into a full-blown sickness, fever and everything. Naturally I ended up home-ridden for days, missing class and who knows what else. In this time I achieved very little in terms of academic progress or personal skill building. Perhaps the worst of it was not having the strength to exercise, as I love to get a workout in when I can. On second thought the worst definitely has to be the loss of appetite that I had for a few days; I managed to lose 6 pounds over the course of the sickness. Now that I am almost entirely recovered I plan to put that weight back on and then some.
Catching up on school, even if I’m only one week behind, is already a task in and of itself. On top of that I have a career consultation tomorrow as well as various other appointments lined up this weekend. If all of that wasn’t enough, my lovesick heart aches for me to speak to that girl who can’t be any good for me. A part of me doesn’t know why I am still so weak-willed when it comes to her, why I cannot stay away. The other part of me thinks the previous part doesn’t want me to have a love life.
Last week I managed to confess some of my feelings to her, unsure of what her response would be. To my great surprise (honestly, I was surprised) she revealed herself to have mutual feelings. It really lit me up inside to have that conversation with her. The feelings I had bottled up inside, and never truly showed her, were finally coming to light and it led to a positive outcome.
However, fast forward a week now and once again I’m not feeling entirely sure about the whole thing. If it wasn’t enough that she’s still talking to a lot of guys I know, and affectionately so, then there is the issue of truthfulness in her original confession. Having lost most of her friends from the past and made a new life for herself, it’s obvious to me that she does not have a big circle of friends and as such happens to enjoy talking to everyone and meeting new people – mostly guys.
The problem here is that she’s not “one of the guys.” There are girls who people call tomboys, and then there are girls who are really into sports, and then there are girls who are into traditionally masculine activities, etc. She would not fit into any of these categories, she’s fairly ‘girly’, but not to the point of being preppy or a total sweetheart. For these reasons it worries me that she hardly interacts with any other girls, and instead craves so much attention from guys. The part of me that is probably against having a love life tells me that she only became interested in me in the first place because I gave her the most attention out of anyone, and enough time apart will send her on her way into someone else’s arms.
Of course I do not wish to believe that she would be that type of girl, but my mind is setting my guard up, whatever good that’ll do. She’s absolutely gorgeous, and I can’t get her off my mind right now. She has not given me any reason to doubt her personally, but my powers of observation are really testing my confidence and trust in her.