I was too busy to write anything the last two nights, having spent the entire day Tuesday at school and retiring to my chambers early in the night to prepare for an early awakening the following day, and the entire day Wednesday busy with other things (I may do a separate post for this day later). One thing that I do wish to note about yesterday before getting to the topic of today is that I felt good while thinking about how I am now writing down my thoughts into a blog. I am hoping that further down the line I can look back at some of my older entries and see how far I’ve come. At the same time I haven’t written anything extreme or vulgar yet, not that that was the plan, but that perhaps by the time I actually get to writing an entry my more extreme feelings have been quelled to a degree that does not hinder the quality of my writing; of course I could also be wrong and have no clue about it until re-reading my entry later.

On to the topic of today, a few conversations I have had among my male peers yesterday and today have made me start thinking about what levels of success I have achieved.  Some of my friends are finished with college or university and have already begun their so-called ‘careers’ in their respective fields.  Other friends never went to college or university but have been working full time or focusing on a trade.  Other friends still are pursuing continuing education through med school and the like.  If we are all following the blueprints to a successful career then surely we are all on the same path.

There is a quote, however, by George S. Patton that says “I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.”  There is happiness to be found in pursuing your dreams, and I’ve always been a firm believer that there are no blueprints laid out for us to our own dreams.  We have to construct them and figure it out by ourselves, and that is a large part of what makes the journey so meaningful.  Yet I can’t help to think that in following the blueprints to a respectable career with a decent income I have gone on a less favorable path than some of my friends.

Furthermore the conversations with my peers involved quite a lot of humorous observations on the female sex and our adventures with them, mostly of a sexual nature.  We make jokes about how we’re seniors now and the freshmen always come in each year looking so tempting.  We carry on to say now that we’re older we should probably stay away, lest we should get into some kind of trouble; there are quite a lot of people (I was one) who enter university at the age of 17, aka ‘underage’ if we’re talking about sexual relations.

And yet while they can boast about the scores of women they’ve been with I cannot do the same, for I have not had such levels of success.  And so I can’t help but wonder that some part of your success as a man is measured by your success with women.  I don’t suppose this would be an easy topic to understand for a lady, but the men out there would probably know what I mean.  Next to them I feel very unsuccessful in this regard, and reflecting on it makes me feel jealous of their experiences with women.  In the end they are still my friends, and I harbor no hatred whatsoever towards them, but I can’t help but feel inferior in ways such as this.